but not for the same reasons my brother is
i spent the day with family and it makes me so happy
i love the warmth and the love and the giving
and the laughter
but i've had a pit in my stomach the whole day
and i can't put my finger on why
maybe it's because i won't be here with my family the next time around
maybe it's because i wish i was with you
and i don't know if you wish you were with me
because as the 2 houses that separated us
turn to states
and then continents
all i can think about is what i would give up to be next to you
holding your hand
squeezing 3 times back and forth
i
love
you
lately my head is a solar system and it's revolving around you
and i don't even know how solar systems work
even though you have explained it to me several times
because every time you go on about black holes and time
i'm just sinking deeper and deeper into your eyes
and i'm giving you a big hug with my heart
and i'm hoping you feel it
and you laugh because you know i'm not listening
and you don't care
so you go on, and i'm sinking and hugging
and i'm still sinking and hugging but we don't have time to talk about solar systems
we don't even have time to talk about our day
and even though i know its for the best
it's like i'm sinking into something that doesn't exist
hugging something that's never hugging me back
and that's okay
and i'll tell myself it's okay
and you'll tell me it's okay
and it will be
but if i could just hear you talk about solar systems on repeat
if i could just feel your hand on my thigh while i'm driving
if i could feel your arms wrap around me from behind and hear you compliment my cheeks
if i could taste your lips and your sweet energy as it envelopes me
maybe this pit in my stomach would leave me alone
and i wouldnt be wide awake at 11 pm on christmas eve
