choosing

we fell in love like we dive into cold water - 

with butterflies in our stomach, holding our breath. 

and it stayed that way for a long time - 

trying to trust and be okay with everything happening so fast. 

we took walks in the rain that month, almost every day. 

and we sat outside the art museum, rain hitting the ground all around us, so loud that we had to talk so close our noses touched. 

we decided that we would love. 

without fear of falling or hitting the ground 

without reservations and with many strings attached 

and it has been the best decision so far. 

we decided to love and we have. 

and we have fallen 

and we've hit the ground 

more times than i'd like to count 

but baby

i would decide to love you every day if i could 

and i would sit on a bench in the cold utah rain 

with my nose touching yours 

and decide to love all over again. 

because this year of love has taught me more than a lifetime. 

because this love has taken my heart through oceans and snowstorms and leather couches covered in popcorn crumbs. 

darling i wish there were words that i haven't used yet. 

words that show you a splinter of how i feel. 

i'm amazed that though there are oceans between us, i can still imagine how your face lights up when you talk about the sea. and i can hear your voice tell stories from when you were 14. and i can feel hand on my thigh, like i did during the fall when our car ran on fumes for 4 months. and i'd paint while you skate. and this is all feeling a bit too nostalgic but i am not ashamed. because this love is deeper than love.