and i miss you more than words

it was 9:14 when my mom got the call

she ran sobbing into my room

and when she told me 

i didn't believe her 

"no he didn't. no he didn't. no he didn't."

not him

not him

me and my sister

we didn't talk for 3 days 

i think she was afraid she would say something wrong

i was just afraid of breaking down

i've driven past your house every day 

hoping i'd see you in the yard

just like i always used to 

but all i see is a sad swing set

and a flood of memories that never ease the pain

i'm afraid to speak to your mom

what do you say to a mother

with a 17 year-old son sized hole in her heart

that she'll spend her whole life trying to mend

she's been knocked down so many times 

but she keeps getting up

i know you love her with all of your heart

i know you love her with all of your heart

i'm trying not to be angry

at people who are moving on too quickly

and teachers who never said a word about it

and god who let it happen

because i know we're all trying our best

and these things are hard to talk about 

but god, please send him all of my heart-broken love

and tell him again that i love his curly hair

please tell him that i love his smile

and the way he'd get excited when he told stories

please tell him that 

please tell him that

i've cried a sea every day since he left us

and i'm starting to forget how to swim